I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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