Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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