Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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