it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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