You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
