I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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