Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
