Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
