I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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