Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
