I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
