the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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