I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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