he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
