Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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