yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize