i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
