I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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