The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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