hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
