Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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