It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
