I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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