Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
