Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
