I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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