i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
