I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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