Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
