I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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