dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
