Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
