Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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