I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
