I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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