I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
