Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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