I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
