She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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