bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
