Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
