I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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