What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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