Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
