the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
