Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
