barbara walters just said penis...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
