its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
