But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
