I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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