My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
