So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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