I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My penis needs a shock collar
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize