When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
