get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
