Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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