Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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