I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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