Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
