I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
