Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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