Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
