Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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