let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
