I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
