Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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