if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
