I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
